Things are going great, and they’re only getting better

So yesterday I posted (and tweeted, and status-updated) about how Heinz has started to make ketchup in dippable packets.

I was talking with my wife about how cool it is when you want somebody to invent something and then they do! My life gets better, and all I had to do was nothing.

During our conversation, my wife asked if anything else had been invented during my lifetime that makes my life better. And as I thought about it, I realized that almost everything I ever wanted to be invented has been invented.

For example:

  • When I was youth playing Star Wars on the Atari 2600, I wished there was a way to play life-like battle games with (and against) other people, each from our own houses. Done.
  • During my Dungeons and Dragons days, I hoped that someday, someone would make a decent Lord of the Rings movie. Done.
  • After buying my first stereo component with 24-CD storage, I wished there was a way to store all of my music in one place, create custom playlists, and maybe even take it in my car. Done.
  • Whenever I saw somebody on TV that looked familiar, I wished there was a place where I could see a full list of every actor in the world, cross-referenced with every role they’ve ever played. Done
  • Anytime my wife started talking to me during a Steelers game, I wished there was a way to pause and rewind live TV. Done.
  • When TV was only showing repeats, I wished there was a way to rent a movie without having to go to the video store. Done and done.

And now the ketchup packet thing pretty much completes the list.

All in all, everything that I had ever hoped for in life has already happened. Even the Steelers have won two Super Bowls in the last few years.

Yep. Everything is going better than could ever be imagined.

Except, of course, for those things I have to do myself.

Like get in shape.

Or make more money than I spend

Or become successful at anything at all.

..

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<Long, introspective pause.>

..

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Hey, my Netflix of Return of the King Special Edition just arrived! See you later! Enjoy the video!

PS. I know. I’m not the first comedian to point out how awesome everything is.

An Important Message for Pittsburgh Casting Directors

To this point in my nascent career as a performer and entertainer (ha!), I’ve concentrated mainly on stand-up comedy, and shied away from pursuits in filmed entertainment.

After all, I thought, who wants to see a fat bald yinzer on screen when they are trying to enjoy themselves at the movies?

Then, I finally got around to seeing the locally-made movie Adventureland. And what did I see?

A FAT BALD YINZER PROMINENTLY PLACED IN A KEY DRAMATIC SCENE IN THE MOVIE.

jacklambertAndKristenStewart.marked

Not only is he fat and bald, but he is wearing a 1976 Jack Lambert jersey.

Now where have I seen a fat bald yinzer in a Lambert jersey before? Hmmm. Let’s see. It’s on the tip of my tongue. Oh yeah, I remember:

IT WAS IN THE AWARD WINNING SHORT FILM “P.O.V” STARRING ME AS A FAT BALD YINZER!

yinzer

Not only was I in full Lambert-jersey regalia, but I BROUGHT BLACK AND GOLD ZUBAZ PANTS TO THE PARTY! You don’t get any more yinzer than that!

One more thing: I WAS DRINKING ROLLING ROCK. (This was when Rolling Rock was still made in Latrobe – the home of Steelers training camp.)

For crying out loud: if any independent filmmakers or local casting directors need a fat bald yinzer for their next film, there is only one place to look. Right here: Tom Musial Dot Com.

Thank you for your time.

May Mini-Movie Reviews

Some hits and some misses this month.

See the full list here.

  • Monsters vs. Aliens (Theater – 3D). B.
    Funny enough, and short. The 3D made Reese Witherspoon’s giant monster look amazingly curvy!
  • Borat (DVD). B-.
    The first half-hour was hilarious. And I cannot express sufficient admiration at Sacha Baron Cohen’s willingness to go to any extreme for a laugh. But I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the situations in which he placed the film’s unsuspecting non-actors.
  • Star Trek (Theater). A.
    A fun, fun, movie.
  • Derailed (DVD). D-.
    You could probably guess the so-called “twist” in this movie without even knowing anything about it.

New Material

I’m headed to the Smiling Moose tonight to try out some new material.

Check out my snarky comment in my twitter feed.

Also: I’ve added a movie to my mini-review page. Transsiberian gets a B.

Mini-movie Review: My Tale of Two Cities

An ultimately inspiring, if sometimes frustrating, tale. There are only so many ways to tell the “Pittsburgh-has-gone-to-hell-and-I-wonder-if-it-will-recover” story. I’m actually more interested in seeing more about Carl Kurlander’s relationship with his wife. That seems like a lot of drama. Grade: B.

Introducing Mini-Movie Reviews

In a desperate attempt to fill this website with content, I’ve added a Mini-Movie Reviews page to the site.

I’ll update it whenever I watch a new movie.

In the meantime, I’ve backfilled it with a few dozen reviews of movies I’ve watched in the last year.

Check it out and see if we have similar taste in movies. I bet we don’t!