Volume Three: The Life and Times of Tom Musial

For all the hundreds and thousands and millions of jokes I’ve told, there is one that every audience seems to remember: my juice box bit.

I’d like to think that this bit captures the imagination due to its clever and absurdist take on 21st-century suburban child-raising traditions. But more likely, people like to laugh at an overweight middle-aged man jumping around on stage like an idiot.

Continue reading Signature Bit

…turn off the computer and go to your room.

Last month, I had the good fortune to spend a day each in Busch Gardens Europe and Kennywood Park.

Being the analytical thinker that I am, I realized that all of the adult rides in amusement parks can be put into one or more of the following categories:

1. Rides that make your head hurt.
2. Rides that make you dizzy or nauseated.
3. Rides that get you wet.
4. Rides that allow you to cop a feel.

Continue reading Around the Corner and Out of This World

For reasons too aggravating to relate here, my family no longer owns a minivan (mom’s car) and a sedan (dad’s car).

Instead, we now own a new minivan (mom’s car) and an old minivan (dad’s car).

If you see a shaved-head, goateed, middle-aged man driving around Pittsburgh in a 10-year old minivan with no air conditioning, it’s probably me.

It’s like a dream come true.

Note: my first trip to Slapsticks Comedy Loft in the South Hills is tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m. All you South Hills homies are invited.

PS: As I typed the words “South Hills” above, I accidentally typed “South Ills.” Eerily appropriate, don’t you think?

If you need to fit three booster seats across a typical bench seat in a car or minivan, your best bet is the Fisher Price Safe Voyage model. It’s only 14 inches wide, which is at least 2 inches narrower than pretty much every other booster on the market. Two inches might not sound like a lot, but sometimes that’s what you need to make a difference.

So when you’re out buying safety equipment for your beloved children, be sure to keep in mind the recommendations that a random stand-up comedian from Pittsburgh posted on the internet.