Signature Bit

For all the hundreds and thousands and millions of jokes I’ve told, there is one that every audience seems to remember: my juice box bit.

I’d like to think that this bit captures the imagination due to its clever and absurdist take on 21st-century suburban child-raising traditions. But more likely, people like to laugh at an overweight middle-aged man jumping around on stage like an idiot.

Continue reading Signature Bit

If any of my kids are reading this website…

…turn off the computer and go to your room.

Around the Corner and Out of This World

Last month, I had the good fortune to spend a day each in Busch Gardens Europe and Kennywood Park.

Being the analytical thinker that I am, I realized that all of the adult rides in amusement parks can be put into one or more of the following categories:

  1. Rides that make your head hurt.
  2. Rides that make you dizzy or nauseated.
  3. Rides that get you wet.
  4. Rides that allow you to cop a feel.

Continue reading Around the Corner and Out of This World

Two-Minivan Man

For reasons too aggravating to relate here, my family no longer owns a minivan (mom’s car) and a sedan (dad’s car).

Instead, we now own a new minivan (mom’s car) and an old minivan (dad’s car).

If you see a shaved-head, goateed, middle-aged man driving around Pittsburgh in a 10-year old minivan with no air conditioning, it’s probably me.

It’s like a dream come true.

Note: my first trip to Slapsticks Comedy Loft in the South Hills is tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m. All you South Hills homies are invited.

PS: As I typed the words “South Hills” above, I accidentally typed “South Ills.” Eerily appropriate, don’t you think?

Consumer Tip of the Day

If you need to fit three booster seats across a typical bench seat in a car or minivan, your best bet is the Fisher Price Safe Voyage model. It’s only 14 inches wide, which is at least 2 inches narrower than pretty much every other booster on the market. Two inches might not sound like a lot, but sometimes that’s what you need to make a difference.

So when you’re out buying safety equipment for your beloved children, be sure to keep in mind the recommendations that a random stand-up comedian from Pittsburgh posted on the internet.