Volume Three: The Life and Times of Tom Musial

I Heart Fish Sandwiches

Fish Sandwich fron the Sea Shell Lounge, Moon Twp., PA

Take-out Fish Sandwich from the Sea Shell Lounge, Moon Township, PA

I Heart Fish Sandwiches

giant eagle fish sandwich with a side of grilled vegetables

Giant Eagle Market District fish sandwich with a side of grilled vegetables, February 26, 2010

I Heart Fish Sandwiches

St. James Fish Fry
St. James Church Fish Fry. Friday, February 20, 2010.

My Annual Ash Wednesday Joke

For the last two years, I’ve told the following Ash Wednesday joke at local open mic venues, like the Smiling Moose and St. James Place Tavern.

No one has ever laughed, but I like the joke anyway. So I’m posting it here at TomMusial.com, where no one will ever see it.

Here it goes.

Today is Ash Wednesday. In Catholic Churches all across the world, today’s Gospel reading is this:

Beware of practicing your piety before men in order to be seen by them; for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.

Thus, when you give alms, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

And when you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by men but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

I think that’s a great reading. To summarize, it says: “Be faithful and prayerful, but don’t make a big public spectacle out of it.”

And, oh by the way, before you leave church today, let me jam a giant black smudge into your forehead that you’re not allowed to wash off until Thursday, so that all day long people will ask if you walked into a door.

Really? Hasn’t anyone in the past 2000 years noticed this contradiction? It says to Wash your face right there in the gospel!

Things are going great, and they’re only getting better

So yesterday I posted (and tweeted, and status-updated) about how Heinz has started to make ketchup in dippable packets.

I was talking with my wife about how cool it is when you want somebody to invent something and then they do! My life gets better, and all I had to do was nothing.

During our conversation, my wife asked if anything else had been invented during my lifetime that makes my life better. And as I thought about it, I realized that almost everything I ever wanted to be invented has been invented.

For example:

When I was youth playing Star Wars on the Atari 2600, I wished there was a way to play life-like battle games with (and against) other people, each from our own houses. Done.
During my Dungeons and Dragons days, I hoped that someday, someone would make a decent Lord of the Rings movie. Done.
After buying my first stereo component with 24-CD storage, I wished there was a way to store all of my music in one place, create custom playlists, and maybe even take it in my car. Done.
Whenever I saw somebody on TV that looked familiar, I wished there was a place where I could see a full list of every actor in the world, cross-referenced with every role they’ve ever played. Done
Anytime my wife started talking to me during a Steelers game, I wished there was a way to pause and rewind live TV. Done.
When TV was only showing repeats, I wished there was a way to rent a movie without having to go to the video store. Done and done.